I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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