I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
