Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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