what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
