I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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