He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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