Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
