You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
