i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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