i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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