ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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