thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
