Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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