he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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