I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
