Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
