At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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