why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
