Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
