mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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