is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
