my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
