Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
