You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize