Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
