I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
