friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
