yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize