Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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