whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
