She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize