Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
