Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
