Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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