last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
