brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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