I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
