Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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