I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
