Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
