Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
