Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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