So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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