I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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