her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
