I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
