I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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