Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
