just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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