My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
