Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
