so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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