i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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