all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
