Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize