told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
