what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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