you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
