You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
