neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
