Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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