Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
