I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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