That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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