you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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