omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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