What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
