That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
