I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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