hotel room ftw
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
