It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
