cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
