i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
pray to the hookup gods
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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